Tuesday, May 24, 2011

100 Things I LOVE About Classic Television

Oh, hey there! Anyone remember me?!

The last post in this blog (um, from over a year ago) was either maudlinly annoying or annoyingly maudlin. I CAN'T DECIDE WHICH! ;-D

Anyway, I'm back with a cheerier post!

I've seen some different blogs list their 100 favorite things about movies, so I thought it would be exceedingly fun to create a list about TV!

These 100 are not really in any order, except the first few are a little more favorite than the bottom few. Otherwise, it was just as I thought of them.

If possible keep a total of how many you understand/recognize-- because I have a feeling that unless you are a very odd classic TV fan, many of these will be incomprehensible! SHEESH! ;-D

100. Everything about Eddie Haskell

99. LAND SHARK! "The cleverest species of them all."

98. The absolute idiocy of 98.3% of all bad guys on Adam-12. (Arguing about money on a busy street while carrying a paper bag with a marijuana plant in a flower pot inside?! REALLY, BAD GUYS?!)

97. "Mr. Kreshlow, Mr. Kreshlow....YOUR CHICKENS ARE DEAD." {5:40}

96. The Kid's love of sleeping: on the stagecoach, in jail, while sitting on a tree branch -- it really doesn't matter to him.

95. Fred Astaire as Alistair Mundy.  (Only he could make me watch {AND ENJOY} an episode of THAT show!)

94. Pete Duel + Judy Carne (in any show together)

93. Johnny Gage's inability to win at card games (even ones in which he creates all the rules).

92. The musical Hamlet

91. Josh Randall's love of apples.

90. Emily Hartley's laugh

89. The perfection of Nellie and Willie Oleson

88. Dr. Richard Kimble's "twitchy, little smirk" (These are not my words. hahaha)

87. “Let me tell you something about Simon Templar. The more he smiles, the more helpful, the more cooperative, honest, and charming he is— the more you can be sure he is plotting something diabolical.”

86. Sir Alfred saying "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

85. Richard Diamond

84. Honey West's pet ocelot, Bruce

83. The awesomely maniacal genius' who thought THIS was a good idea.

82. Group Therapy Sessions in The Bob Newhart Show

81. Pete Malloy's constant mocking of Jim Reed, which Jim Reed doesn't realize because he's utterly clueless about everything

80. "LAWMAN....LAWMAN....LAWMAN...." (You'll be hearing the scarily deep voice in your nightmares)

79. Mr. Thurston Howell III

78. Bret Maverick

77. Incomprehensible music videos on The Monkees

Micky's beloved upholstery poncho? Check. Everyone running into each other for no reason? Check. Liberace cameo? Che--WHAT?!

76. Miss Barbara Stanwyck (her credit in Big Valley)

75. James West's ability to single-handedly take on ten men in a fight...and win.

74. The Lone Ranger's silver bullets
73. Carol Kester

72. Josh Randall's sawed-off shotgun: "I'm just a little bitty feller, I need a big gun."
71. "Gun-Shy" -- DYING OF LAUGHTER

70. "HATCHET!"

69. Mary Ann's Coconut Creme Pie

68. "Porkchops and uh, apple sauce"

67. Rhoda Morgenstern

66. Hannibal Heyes' "silvery tongue"

65. Rollin Hand + Cinnamon Carter

64. Madame X

63. Rock Hudson's mustache

62. The theme song for Peter Gunn

61. McGill, "with a big M and a big G"

60. Chad Cooper and Joe Riley's combined awesomeness and their ability to think up scathingly brilliant ideas any time of the day or night...

59. Occasional Wife: a show created for the sole purpose of allowing Michael Callan to do nothing but walk around smiling rakishly for a half hour every week.

58. Sabrina Duncan

57. Every show that allowed Bradford Dillman to smile evilly

56. The fact that Dr. Richard Kimble has dozens of females all over the country just WAITING for HIM to be proven innocent, but he has no intention of ever seeing them again.

55. Night Gallery's extreme fear-causing nature

54. The Cartwright Curse (all females considering marriage...BEWARE!)

53. The utter and complete mental insanity of Gidget's sister and brother-in-law

52. The Kid's far too impossibly fast fast draw

51. "1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12: a 415 fight group...with chains and knives!"


49. Station 51

48. The tears of a paralyzed Joseph Cotten

47. Suzanne Pleshette in The Wild Wild West

46. Judy Hensler: "I'm GONNA TELL ON YOU!"

45. Rhoda's wedding

44. The fact that if Perry Mason takes your case... you're totally gonna be accused of murder pretty soon.

43. "Tuesday, August 29th: The day the running stopped."

42. James West's hollow boot heel which ALWAYS has whatever he exactly needs (a gun, a bomb, 6 feet of rope ;-D)

41. The wisdom of Skinny Mulligan

40. Adam-12/Emergency! crossovers = MIND BLOWN. (Johnny and Roy meet Pete and Jim in one episode and in another episode Johnny and Roy are watching Adam-12 on TV! WHAT?! Yes.)

39. The Saint's awesome Volvo

38. The tin can crushed by Cary Grant's left rear tire

37. Lt. Uhura (it doesn't matter that I exceptionally hate this show -- Uhura is ALWAYS STINKIN' AWESOME!)

36. KYLE, WHO IS COOL AND AWESOME AND DOESN'T DESERVE THE DISDAIN OF *ahem* CERTAIN PEOPLE. Also: he loves you Casey. He truly loves you. ;-D

35.Murray: "Is the Pope Catholic?" Ted: "I think so, but I'm pretty sure the last one wasn't."


33. Vito Scotti

32. Bennett Cerf's genius at guessing mystery guests

31. Mary Richard's flannel nightgowns

30. McGill's (I actually think it's just Richard Bradford's) inability to not mumble 98.6% of his lines. (I have also discovered that when drugged/tortured/brainwashed he slurs his lines an added 75%!)

29. "My name is Talky Tina...and I'm going to KILL you."

28. Artemus Gordon's disguises/accents/brilliant fake mustaches

27. THE corvette in Route 66

26. The fact that Little Joe and Adam always call each other "younger brother" and "older brother" in the most awesomely derisive ways!

25. Jack Lord's immovable hairstyle

24.No Frills Airline

23."Arthur" (Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode)

22. The Pottsylvania Creeper

21. Jerry Helper

20.The Kid never winning a coin toss. Ever.

19. "As always, should you or any of your IM force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. Good luck, Jim. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds."

18. The fake laughter in I Love Lucy that is used over and over and over: the woman's voice in said laughter that always goes "Uh OH!"

17. The Dr. Loveless created evil clone of James West: code-name Janus. Robert Conrad's evil villain on Columbo: Milo Janus. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. ;-D

16. Pete Malloy's scary lady stalker

15. Alan Brady's toupees

14. LaRue's use of asthma as a weapon

13. Bat Masterson's cane

12. Laura Petrie's capris

11. Mrs. Cathy Gale's kick-awesome judo skills

10. Artie's Great-Aunt Maude

9. Columbo's beloved cigar and nonexistent pencil

8. The fact that Martin Milner (Pete Malloy), David Janssen (Dr. Richard Kimble), and Clint Eastwood (Rowdy Yates) were army friends in the early '50s. My mind cannot comprehend.

7. Everything Fred Mertz chooses to be

6. Rod Serling's voice.

5. Mr. Gianelli's death from being crushed by a zucchini cart

4. Simon Templar's raised eyebrow

3. Harvey Korman's inability to not laugh hysterically at the mere sight of Tim Conway

2. Aunt Sally's Pecan Pralines

1. Dr. Miguelito Loveless

And there you have it! What are some of your favorite things about classic television?



kate gabrielle said...

haha the Kyle thing cracked me up!! ;-D

Kyle and Casey sitting in a tree.. k-i-s-s-i-n-g*

It's kind of scary that except for Alfred Hitchcock, MTM and Twilight Zone, every fact on this list that I knew was because of you. Okay, I only knew like 10 things besides the AHP, MTM & TZ facts... but still.

Oh, and #48. YES.

I would do this but like you I doubt anyone would get half of the things I'd pick. 80% of them would probably be obscure references to The X-Files or Eureka that nobody would understand.

*I only wrote that in case Casey sees this comment so there's double the Casey + Kyle-ness going on in this post ;-D

Millie said...

Kate: I had to put it in there somewhere! Kyle's been asking about Casey! ;-D

AHAHAHAHHAHAA! That's super-funny. It's because I spend all of my NF posts talking about tv shows. It's basically my life. ;-PP

HECK YEAH! Always! That episode is so much utter brilliance!

DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! That's the most fun! I mean, if I'm allowed to make a post with about 10 obscure I Love Lucy references...I WANT TO SEE YOUR POST! ;-D

I love you. ;-D

DKoren said...

hahahah! Love these. 81, 44, 42 - yes! And 56 made me laugh outloud. Very fun list!

Now I feel like watching some television!

Millie said...

YAY! I'm so glad! That was the point! ;-D

And, I'm also glad that someone else appreciates Dr. Richard Kimble's extreme fickleness! haha

Audrey said...

This is such a fun list, though I admit that I didn't understand them ALL. :)

Oh, and re the canned laughter on ILL...I didn't think they used canned laughter? I thought it was all done live? I know the 'uh-oh' you're referring to. It's mentioned in the extras of one of the DVDs, I think. I'm pretty sure I heard that was either Lucy or Desi's mom...but who knows! Could just be rumors. :)

Alex said...

Talky Tina! Ha-HA!!! If I had to pick my favorite from your list, it would be Laura Petrie's capris followed closely by Rhoda's wedding. SO CLASSIC!

Oh, and with the laughter on I Love Lucy, I'm pretty sure Desi can be heard laughing in there, too. :)

Anonymous said...

Sorry this has nothing to do with this but:

Do you know from which episode this particular simon templar picture is?

Great Blog :]